Big Brother: The Gaian Version
by Dazz Cambo
Summary: What have you got when you throw the cast of Final Fantasy IX into Big Brother? R&R to find out. Zidane, Vivi, Steiner, Kuja, Lani, Dagger, Amarant, Eiko and Freya are all featured. UPDATED! EVICTION NIGHT!.
1. Day I: Zidane's Big Mistake

_Big Brother: The Gaian Version_

_Day One: Zidane's Big Mistake_

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights to Final Fantasy or Big Brother, they belong to, well someone who isn't me._

_" Big Brother, The Gaian Version, ten housemates shall be going into the house tonight, My name is Apollo Beech and I'll be your host for the next few weeks ".The tall man named Apollo stood near a podium gripping a long scroll of parchment. " As this is the first Big Brother to grace our small planet I'm required to explain the show to you all. Each week of the series the housemates shall select two of their fellow housemates to go up for the public eviction and you, the general public, will vote your least favourite out of the house ". _

Minutes later, several chocobo-drawn carriages arrived and the audience roared in applause, the biggest reality event in history was about to unfold. One by one, each contestant departed from their own carriage. Zidane and Kuja Tribal, better known as 'The Heartbreak Brothers' received the loudest cheers of all, and several women even swooned in admiration. The housemates were all soon inside, chattering and laughing with one another. Zidane was mesmerized as he flirted with Lani at the dining table. Kuja on the other hand was in the lounge focusing a lot of his pulling powers on the stunning Princess Garnet.

Quina Quen, voted the ugliest contestant in the house had already uplifted the only fridge and taken it to the bedroom whilst Steiner followed, shouting and jumping angrily on the spot. Freya Cresent and Amarant Coral were sparring fiercely in the back yard whilst Vivi Orunitia whooped and cheered. Eiko Carol, the youngest housemate sat fuming in a corner, glaring at the beautiful bounty huntress as Zidane cheekily slipped a hand under the table.

" This, is Big Brother, would Quina come to the diary room please ! " said the low voice.

Quina attempted to force the already pummelled fridge into the diary room before she was further scolded by Big Brother and dumped it on the dining table, disturbing Zidane's wooing techniques. Inside the diary room, Quina had already begun to sniff the seats and camera for food before Big Brother shrieked at her once again. She dropped herself into the seat which sagged unhealthily. " Mrs Orunitia, do you have the faintest idea why I've summoned you here? " he asked in a slightly bleary voice. Quina glanced around furiously in an attempt to locate the voice. " QUINA , you're here because you've destroyed two expensive appliances and eaten our food in the past hour ". Quina growled at the irritating tone Big Brother had now adopted, " I do what I want! You have problem? ". Big Brother's voice faded into a whisper, " actually Quina I need your held, I've got a small proposition for you...".

Meanwhile, Adelbert Steiner and a crestfallen Zidane were heaving the battered fridge back to it's initial position. Lani, who'd scampered off, appeared in the backyard to watch her ex-partner in action. Eiko was now extremely pleased at her absence and was trailing Zidane, who scowled upon noticing Kuja's progress with Dagger. Quina bounded from the diary room some ten minutes later looking slightly more pleased than he'd done before. Zidane stood up as she waddled across towards him, " hey Quina you fat jerk, I may've lost my chances of sex with that Lani chick because- ". WHACK !.

Quina flung his head forwards and smashed directly into Zidane's, who fell onto the floor in affliction. Quina ran off and Zidane stood up, the blood was pouring rapidly from his nose. " I know who I'll be voting for this week " muttered Zidane as he strode off in indignation . Kuja was still seated in the lounge, this time alone, he was throwing and catching a thin, pink material. " That bloody blob Quina is really pissing me off, not only has the bastard almost k.o'd me he's eaten all the food and- ". He stopped abruptly as he realised what Kuja was holding, " -and who's sexy thong is that? ".

Kuja flashed a dark smile across at Zidane, " it seems that Dagger isn't the well behaved babe we always thought, in fact, she's quite dirty mouthed ". Zidane scowled in disbelief, he'd wanted to bed Dagger for so long and now it seemed like ''Kinky Kuja' was going to get in there first. Outside in the yard Freya and Amarant had finally settled down; they were soaked with sweat and covered with light grazes. Freya was sharing a tale with Steiner and Amarant floated alone in the warm pool.

That evening Big Brother refilled the fridge with food that Quina had stolen and they all sat under the stars feasting. Quina who was nowhere to be seen. " Big Brother has probably booted the big lump out " answered Zidane as Freya inquired of her absence " I don't care if he isn't because he's getting my vote at the end of the week ". Every housemate except Vivi seemed to nod their agreement with Zidane. " I don't think we should be so hard on her Zidane, I-Is it because she's different? " asked Vivi in a fearful tone.

" Nah Vivi, but the fact that she's a fat, ugly slob puts up a pretty strong case ". Amarant and Kuja sniggered whilst Vivi hung his head sadly and retreated into the house. Steiner stood up and pierced Zidane with an icy glare, " you know, you should really grow up Zidane! " and he strode angrily after the small mage. Zidane jumped to his feet but decided not to chase after him. He guessed Vivi's tears were due to the fact that he'd married her in Conde Petie. " I still think you're the greatest guy in the world Zidane " declared Eiko before wrapping her small arms around his waist. Kuja and Amarant grinned once again whilst Zidane's face switched to a dark shade of crimson.

By the time it'd chimed midnight most housemates were fatigued. Steiner, Garnet, Vivi and Eiko had crawled off to their beds whilst Zidane, Kuja and Amarant had 'Manish' discussions in the lounge. " Hardly a wide selection though is it? " said Zidane gloomily " Garnet and Lani are fine pieces of ass but they belong to me and Kuja. So who you going to have Amarant, The beast or the thing? ". Kuja guffawed and Amarant forced a weak smile. " Anyway " said Zidane excitedly " Lani _is _still hanging about, I reckon she wants me ". He skipped from the lounge and into the yard in pursuit of the sexy bounty huntress, who appeared to be leading him somewhere.

She travelled through a thick door and down a set of steps which Zidane knew led to the basement, he happily followed thinking that he was due some loving. However as he reached the bottom and arrived in the spacious basement he was shocked to find Freya standing angrily with her arms crossed. " So Zidane, a beast am I or is it _the thing_? " she growled as she pounded her fists together. Zidane's knees became weak and his eyes watered in horror, Freya and Lani were about to kick his ass and he'd fallen right into it. He only had one thought on his otherwise empty mind, ' _Oh Shit_ ! '.

" H-hey F-Freya I-I- Come on b-babe m-e say th-at? " he stuttered as he stepped back, right into a wall. Freya ignored his apologises and pleas, both she and Lani rounded on the quivering stud. He held his arms out in defence and prepared himself for his second pasting of the night.

_Well what do you think of that then, do you think I should write more? Or leave it as a one timer, Please remember to give a review and tell me what you thought of it. Thanks for reading..._

_By Dazz Cambo_


	2. Day II: Hidden Emotions

_Big Brother: The Gaian Version_

_Day Two: Hidden Emotions_

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights to Final Fantasy, Big Brother or The Spice Girls, they belong to, well someone who isn't me_

_" Well here we are folks, day number two of the Gaian Big Brother, we're just two more days away from the very first public eviction. Things have already begun to heat up in the house for last night Zidane felt the wrath of two enraged beauties. I'm Apollo Beech, your host for the next few weeks, who should win? you decide! "_

Most of the housemates were still in their beds, Steiner who'd roused at sunrise had set out the breakfast. Unbeknown to the housemates, Big Brother was planning a little wake up call, in a slightly different form. The terrible din bellowed throughout the house, Big Brother was playing a Spice Girls record which forced the housemates from their slumber." Yaaaarrgghh, what the hell is this shit? " yelled Kuja as he attempted to muffle the racket with two pillows. As for Zidane, he wasn't in his bed, as it turned out he'd slept in the basement, bruised and very pissed off.

The housemates were soon sitting around the new dining table, enjoying cuisines they'd never seen before; to avoid confusion all the foods were labelled. " What the hell are these Frostie things, they're too crunchy " exclaimed Lani as she spat out a cluster of the popular cereal. " Yeah and don't drink the diluted orange either, it's far too strong even by our standards " complained Freya who couldn't seem to find a food that satisfied her tastes. Vivi on the other hand was enjoying a glass of cows milk and some burnt pieces of toast, prepared by ' the house cook ' Steiner. Eiko and Dagger had finished what little food they'd eaten and treaded back to the room to get dressed; they'd taken one look at a Heat magazine and decided to lose weight.

" So Zidane-" said Freya "- did you enjoy your night? ".

Amarant looked up from the Nuts magazine he'd been reading and looked from Freya to Zidane. She was smiling slyly at him as he attempted to ignore her gaze. Amarant stood up at once and knocked his chair over as he strode straight for the diary room to confront Big Brother. " Right, tell me now what the hells going on! " he yelled as he dropped into the seat.

" What do you mean Amarant? " asked Big Brother, knowing perfectly well what he meant.

" Did Zidane have sex with Freya last night, only she keeps looking at him and he looks pretty roughened up " he replied anxiously. Big Brother left Amarant to stew in silence before giving a response, a response which was solely spoken to mislead him. " An incident did take place last night but Big Brother is unable to specify due to obvious reasons. All I can reveal is that another housemate was involved in the activity ". Amarant was rather taken aback, he shook his head in disgust and departed from the diary room thinking of only one word, ' threesome '.

Steiner and Vivi cleared up once all the housemates had shovelled down their breakfasts. Kuja withdrew to the privacy of the bathroom to run a brush through his white, feather-like hair. Freya and Lani took a quick dip in the pool whilst Zidane chatted with Dagger. " What's up then if it isn't homesickness, go on you can tell me " he inquired. Dagger's cheeks flushed and she looked down to her feet. " I-I think someone's been- stealing my underwear ". Zidane smiled, he'd been stupid to believe Kuja's lies; the little pervert'd been rummaging through Dagger's drawers all along. Zidane leant closer to the timid Princess and revealed the identity of the phantom knicker thief, she rushed off furiously in search of the one time villain of Gaia.

Zidane's ego inflated greatly once he'd realised that he and Dagger were made for one another. As they sat together in the lounge, Zidane declared his undying love for her, " Come on Dagger, I know it and so do you, we're made for each other ". Dagger sighed and hugged Zidane, who gestured a one fingered salute towards Kuja who'd been watching them closely. Meanwhile Amarant was sitting alone in the back yard, lost deep in his thoughts. Every time he spotted Freya he felt a strong surge of emotion and he kept scolding himself,' it's not love Amarant, it can't be '. To him sparring with Freya was like making love, she was so valiant and tough, he could love no other. He cursed himself for being so sentimental, he'd never experienced anything like it before.

Kuja swaggered into the back yard and was challenged to a sparring match as soon as Amarant spotted him. " Ha- " he replied as he tossed his long white hair over his back "- you really fancy yourself as a rebel don't you? ". Amarant stared into Kuja's slightly cold eyes and growled threateningly. Amarant believed that Kuja had been involved in a sex act with Freya and Zidane, which never happened to begin with.

They begun pouncing around the yard, Kuja was mostly dodging the punches thrown by Amarant who'd went utterly berserk. " c-alm d-own y-ou stupi-d bastard! " Kuja screamed as he avoided another series of blows. But Amarant had no intention of halting, Kuja was far quicker but if he managed to catch him, it wouldn't be pretty.

" FLARE " Kuja shrieked as he somersaulted out of Amarant's radius.

Amarant was knocked clean from his feet by the powerful wave and crashed into the wall. He stood back up, groggy, but no less psychotic than he had been. He rocketed back towards Kuja, knocking away the small spells he desperately cast. Amarant's powerful hatred of Kuja and love for Freya had knocked him into a mighty trance. He glowed white and purple with power and smashed his large fist into Kuja's cute face, jumped on him and then continued to unleash the powerful fury he had, burning deep within.

" THUNDAGA, FLARE! " blared a small voice as two spells mixed and cracked powerfully off Amarant's fiery head.

He collapsed onto the blood-sodden grass, still conscious but very frail. Kuja sat up wearily, his face and clothes covered in his own blood. Zidane and Dagger stepped out of the lounge and realised what'd happened " oh shit! " shouted Zidane as he sped over to his beaten brother's side " what the HELL did you do this for Amarant ! ".

Kuja was cleaned up and Amarant was called to the diary room. " Mr Coral, today at four seventeen pm, you assaulted a fellow housemate, due to this act Big Brother is forced to put you up for possible eviction. This means that the public'll most likely be choosing between yourself and Quina ". Amarant nodded, " I'm sorry Big Brother but when you told me they'd had a threesome, I was angry! ". Big Brother breathed heavily and replied cockily " think back Amarant, Big Brother never said such a thing, you simply assumed it. The incident which occurred last night was in fact a light form of assault, Lani and Freya beat up Mr Tribal ". Amarant sat forward, shocked and feeling very sluggish, he rounded up his conversation with Big Brother and left the diary room.

That night, the housemates sat down together to enjoy their dinner, Vivi was telling a tale about his deceased grandpa Quan and Garnet was waiting for Zidane to return. He arrived ten minutes later holding a large crate, Eiko and Vivi retired to their beds, " hey, you guys look what I've found, Buckfast , I think it's an alcoholic drink ". Kuja and Amarant cheered and reached in to retrieve a bottle. Soon Kuja, Lani, Freya and Amarant were the only ones still awake, Kuja was tipsy but able to handle his drink unlike Zidane who lay asleep on Lani's tanned legs chanting " Beer, Fighting, Boooobies ". Amarant finished his third bottle of the night and decided the time was right to make his move. He strode over to sit beside Freya and chanced his luck, " I gotta tell you Ok? I love you and I think we should have some sex "

Freya, who'd drunk a considerable amount herself smiled at him, " I'm sorry, but Fratley's waiting for me in Burmecia, he's my true love ". She planted a soft kiss on his green cheek and walked off to bed, leaving Amarant to envision the relationship they could've had.

_Well what do ya think? I've decided I'll finish the first week and see how it goes. Review please thanks._

_Robshi: Yeah I kind of agree with you, Garnet probably wouldn't. But as this is a humour fic there's always a chance. Anyway I've changed it so that Kuja was just lying but we'll see how it goes from here. _


	3. Day III: Kuja's Folly

_Big Brother: The Gaian Version_

_Day Three: Kuja's Folly_

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights to Final Fantasy or Big Brother they belong to, well someone who isn't me._

" _Here we are once again folks, Day Three of the Gaian Big Brother and this is the last full day before the eviction tomorrow night. After Amarant's outburst yesterday he was automatically put up for eviction. The housemates appear to have already decided on Quina which more than likely means she'll be his opponent _"_. Apollo stood up and shot a grin at the huge crowds which were crammed into the small stands._" _Anyway folks it's morning in the house and we're about to go check on them, who should win ? You decide! _".

Early morning and most of the housemates are fast asleep in bed. Amarant Coral had roused at sunrise and stepped out into the backyard for some early training. Kuja Tribal had woke in a rather mischievous mood, he shovelled down some breakfast and stepped outside into the glorious sunshine. He schemed some cunning pranks underneath the scorching sun whilst his younger brother snoozed, blissfully unaware. As was expected, Steiner laid out the breakfast whilst the other housemates slumped out of their beds, like lifeless zombies. Eiko, who was extremely bored with life in the house was persistently pestering Amarant with questions such as " can I give you a perm " and " has your head always been that small ". He rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath " I _really _hate kids ".

Freya and Lani sparred on the crisp lawn, Freya tended to leap around whilst Lani enjoyed her somersaults through the air. Steiner paced through the doors from the kitchen, leaving Vivi to dry the dishes, aided by the heat from a _Fira _spell. Steiner hated to admit it, but as he watched Freya perform her skills, he realised how much he admired her.

Kuja stepped back into the shade of the house and headed for Zidane, the only one still asleep. He sniggered as he pointed his white palm in his brother's face and whispered the word " _Blizzaga_ ". " YAARRGHHH " he screamed as the freezing cold ice collided with his face and he was shot from the bed. " Wake up call " said Kuja through a sneer " you've gotta learn how to handle your drink bro ". He skipped off happily leaving Zidane pissed off and unaware that there was more to come. Freya and Lani lay on the grass, exhausted from all the energy they'd used up. Garnet kindly cast a _Cura _spell on Freya but purposely neglected Lani; she'd not forgotten that the young bounty huntress had attempted to kill her a few months before. By the time the afternoon arrived, Zidane, who was already pretty groggy had been caught in Kuja's surprisingly decent traps five times and was becoming increasingly sick of it. He was on the verge of beating the shit clean out of him when Big Brothers voice boomed over the others.

" This, is Big Brother, would Zidane please come to the diary room ".

He leapt up at once and rushed through the door, eager to find out what he wanted. He dropped down into a seat and put his clumpy boots up onto the side. " This is getting pretty stupid now, Kuja's taking things way beyond the limit ". Big Brother chortled wickedly, he was as eager as Zidane to get one over on Kuja. " Listen very carefully Mr. Tribal, I can provide you with a little something that'll shut that cocky bitch up for a while ". Zidane smiled and leant forward, anxious to hear what punishment Kuja would receive.

Meanwhile, outside the diary room the unwitting Kuja was cursing his stupidity, he'd lost sight of Zidane. After ten minutes of searching, he abandoned his pranks game and focused his energies on pulling Lani. She fancied Kuja, no matter how much she denied it she knew deep down that she loved his badboy attitude. Zidane stepped forth from the diary room some fifteen minutes later clutching a small sweet. He spotted Dagger in the lounge and strode across the lawn towards her. He whispered his plan in her ear and showed her the secret weapon. She still had a score to settle with the cheeky perv so she went along. She skipped over to Kuja and dropped down beside him, waving a small lavender sweet before his eyes.

" Look what I've got Kuja, a sex sweet " whispered Dagger through a smile " If eaten, you receive sexual powers for up to 15 hours ". Upon hearing these words Kuja's eyes bulged and he swiftly snatched the boiled sweet. Zidane, who'd been sitting in the shade of a dark corner cackled evilly " hehheh this is gonna be _good_ ". To Freya and Lani's surprise, Steiner stepped up to spar with Freya, she was far more agile than the ageing Captain but his strong blows were not to be reckoned with. Vivi and Eiko watched Steiner in awe, they'd never seen him gloss such energy. Amarant stood up quickly as Quina slinked round a corner and out of sight; the ex-bounty hunter had been keeping a very close eye on the wide Qu.

Zidane approached Kuja and Dagger with a wide grin. " How are you dearest brother? " he asked brazenly " how are you feeling ". Dagger nodded at Zidane who could hardly contain his severity.

" _Boobies_ ".

Kuja snorted at this remark but his face quickly morphed into a shocked smirk. " OH SHIT ! " he screamed before sprinting into the house bathroom. The other housemates could heard his shrieks of pain as his backside exploded into the toilet. Dagger and Zidane erupted into a fit of giggles as he crawled from the bathroom, clutching his backside as though it may drop off at any minute. Even Big Brother couldn't resist having a turn as he called Kuja to the diary room. Kuja attempted to take a seat before Big Brother uttered " _boobies_ " and he rocketed straight back out the door. Kuja skipped dinner that night, his new found fear of boobies kept him locked up in the safety of the bathroom. No-one minded of course, but Lani who could barely contain her feelings any longer.

She stood at the other side of the thick bathroom door, trying to comfort the pained magician. Upon finishing her own meal, Freya walked over, " what is it he's scared of? " she asked with a hint of genuine concern. " Um, _Boobies_ I- " PHHRRTT, Kuja could be heard groaning as his ass was blasted once again.

" _boobies_? " asked Freya as Kuja commenced with the shrieks of pain.

" Yeah _boobies _". PHHRRTTT. " YARRGGGHHH, SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID COWS ! ".

One-by-one the housemates were called to the diary room to vote for whom they wanted to be up for the public eviction. Kuja declined if course and spent the night in the bathroom, whilst the housemates had an early night, ready for the eviction the next night.

_Jesus man, I never thought a Kuja tale would be difficult top right but this was pretty hard. I've constructed a short system with the days, Day 1 was a Zidane story and Day 2 was sort of an Amarant story. This one was a Kuja story and I think I'll be heading for a Freya or Vivi or Steiner story next. Next chapter is the eviction and I thought I'd let you, the reviewers vote this one so tell me who you want out, Quina or Amarant, the choice is yours._

_Robshi: Thanks for the review. Yeah I figured Freya would stick with Fratley and I knew how much you hated it when people crammed Amarant with Freya. I'm planning on putting Freya in the spotlight soon, and I think I know what direction I'm taking it in._


	4. Day IV Part I: Fratley, My Love

_Big Brother: The Gaian Version_

_Day Four Part A: Fratley, My Love_

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights to Final Fantasy or Big Brother, they belong to, well someone who isn't me. _

_Authors Note: This chapter took quite a while to write. Freya stories flow pretty easily the only problem I met was trying to keep her in character. I'm hoping Robshi will review and hopefully enjoy this chapter. You'll notice It's mainly Freya and not too much of the others but it's extremely difficult to write for so many characters and I apologise for keeping Eiko and Vivi in such darkness. I was unaware that you were prohibited from voting so I'll just do it myself from now onwards. - Dazz -_

" _Good morning folks and welcome back to the Gaian Big Brother, glad to see you've returned to witness eviction night one _" _called Apollo as he arrived on the stage, dressed on what could only be described as a tasteless suit._ " _We are about to enter the Big Brother house and check in on our housemates. But first let us speak of yesterday's events, wasn't that funny folks?. To recap Big Brother supplied Zidane with a magical sweet which he used to aid his scorching rivalry with Kuja, the sweet caused his bladder system to go into overdrive upon hearing the word Boobies. Anyway, moving on, the housemates have all voted and Amarant is indeed up against Quina. Anyway, who should win? You decide!_ "

Yesterday was a considerably difficult day for _all of _our housemates, one in particular felt sexually frustrated (Zidane!) whilst another felt sexually abused (Dagger!). However there was only one housemate who was in the reality show for business, this housemate was Lady Freya Crescent. The previous night she'd retired to early bed but laid awake for most of the period. For she longed for her love, Iron-Tail Fratley. She'd strived to free him of her mind by sparring with fellow housemates, but it was to no avail, she could not forget in the same way he'd forgotten her.

However it would've been foolish for you to judge her through these emotions; she was a tough warrior who owned the abilities to defeat most threats in her path. At sunrise she was sprawled over the backyard grass watching as the sky gradually transformed from a large black veil into a light, cloudy sky. Before she'd departed from the tattered realm of Burmecia to enter the Big Brother house, Fratley had uttered a short sentence which sent a shiver down her spine whenever she replayed it in her mind.

_They were standing in what remained of the Royal Palace; Fratley was holding his long spear in one hand and Freya in the other. It'd been Fratley's suggestion that she enter the reality programme to begin with. The prize fund was five million Gil and with this money they'd easily have been able to restore Burmecia to it's former glory. Despite it's ruin the palace was still a marvellous sight on the beady eyes of the young Burmecians, Freya remembered looking around and thinking it was the perfect place for them to bid their farewells. Fratley hugged his fiancée close and kissed her passionately as a large, chocobo drawn carriage appeared. Freya smiled at her love and spoke " I'll win this for you ". Fratley smiled and as she boarded the carriage yelled " I'll be waiting for you when you get out "._

That was what she feared, that he wasn't waiting when she returned. She couldn't even trust her own mind; in her youth she'd remembered telling herself that_ ' Fratley would return, he loves me '. _But she shuddered as she recalled what'd happened before; he'd travelled off to battle Beatrix and lost his mind in the bout. Only through the assistance of young Puck was she able to return him to his initial state of mind. As many people now knew, that was her greatest fear; she felt that to be forgotten was a worse fate than death. She'd neared walking through the doors on the very first night upon hearing Zidane insult her appearance but she was reminded of the homeless Burmecian children and tried to pull through.

" Lady Freya? " came Steiner's voice from the depths of the kitchen " I'm about to put the breakfast on, do want anything? "

Her stomach growled yet she wasn't hungry, she shook her head in response. Steiner finished preparing and setting out the food as Freya decided to leap onto the privacy of the roof, she pulled her hat over her face and returned to her long train of thoughts. Soon the housemates had all risen and sat down at the dining table to begin their feast. " Are caterpillars nice to eat? " asked Eiko as Steiner shovelled down a strip of bacon. " Don't mention such things at the breakfast table! " he spat whilst he almost choked on the greasy bacon he'd just started.

" What made you ask a question like that? " asked Lani, as she surveyed the small summoner in confusion " Madain Sari wasn't _that_ bad was it? ".

Eiko flushed and shook her head, " Um no not really, the thing is, when Steiner was wrapping that bacon round his fork, there was a caterpillar on it and I- ". Steiner spluttered furiously, showering the others with the milk he'd just been drinking. Garnet and Zidane allowed themselves a silent snigger as he sped to the bathroom and shrieked for Kuja to open up at once. " Are you listening, Ok? PI-SS O-FF! " He replied angrily as the ill Captain sprinted into the backyard and violently spewed into the crisp grass. Three hours later and the effects of the " Boobies " sweet had finally worn off although Kuja flinched whenever hearing the word. Freya had returned from her hiding place and stepped into the diary room, needing someone to speak with. " It's just tearing me apart, I know I can put on a tough facade but I really miss Fratley, but I've got to do this for him and for the Kingdom ".

" I have something to show you Miss Crescent..." said Big Brother as his voice trailed off and returned seconds later " focus on the ' flat thing ' before you ".

Big Brother was of course referring to the monitor which was embedded into the wall directly before the female Burmecian. She gazed into the dark depths of the wide screen and to her surprise Fratley appeared in all his rat-like glory. _" Hey Freya my love, it is I Fratley, I'm unsure how this 'recording' thing works out but I just wanted to offer you a few words of encouragement. Stay strong and concern yourself not about me, for I shall always remember you, I'll never tread down that road again "._ Freya could feel a tear trickle down her furry cheeks as she watched Fratley supervise the restoration of the house she'd grown up in. She watched as the construction continued before Big Brother shut it off and she departed, he confidence restored. " Thank You very much " she told Big Brother before stepping out, poised to be the greatest housemate the show would ever see...

_Part A of eviction day finished. I know it was pretty crap and there were little or no jokes, I just have so much work at the moment, if you haven't already done so, check out my other Fic, which is also Final Fantasy IX and is 8 chapters long. Thanks and PLZ submit a review._

_By Dazz Cambo_


	5. Day IV Part II: Eviction

_Big Brother: The Gaian Version_

_Day Four, Part II: Eviction_

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights to Final Fantasy or Big Brother, they belong to, well someone who isn't me._

_Authors Notes: I'm back, after months without updating I've returned in hope that I'll be met by open arms. The new Celebrity series has sparked a desire to continue writing so I hope you enjoy it as though I was never gone...Dazz_

_"Welcome back to the Gaian Big Brother. For those of you who've missed the previous episodes, READ THEM FIRST!" yelled Apollo cheerfully as the show reopened and the nearby crowd roared in applause. "When we left the house Freya Crescent had just received a special message from her lover, Fratley, ending her depression. Anyway, this is it, by the end of tonight we'll know who has been evicted and I'll have a live interview with the reject. Well let's take a look and see how things are going"._

It is eight-thirty in the Big Brother house- the eviction is due in thirty minutes and everyone is tense. However, of all the house mates, Amarant Coral was most worried; he felt sure he would be voted ahead of Quina but after the assault on Kuja, he was unsure. Freya Crescent is seated at the Kitchen table eating a packaged assortment of food-supplied by Big Brother- no longer plagued with worry for her dear Fratley. Meanwhile, Zidane and Kuja, A.K.A. The Heartbreak Brothers were changing for the eviction which was fast approaching. "Hey hang on a minute" said Zidane as his attention was snared by something peculiar "That thong bro isn't that the one you stole from…".

"You dirty son of a bitch!".

"What the heck's going on in there?" Lani asked as she stepped into the living room. "I wouldn't ask, just leave them to it" said Eiko who was watching them intently through the giant window. Amarant peered over then double glanced at the sight before him; Zidane had Kuja bent across the bed and was currently trying to tear his underwear off. Vivi came into the living room and took a seat at the table; he wore a classy hat and a sharp tuxedo which really suited the small mage. He was the only male housemate who seemed prepared for the announcement: Zidane and Kuja were clearly having difficulties; Steiner was in the bathroom 'cleaning' his armour and Amarant was sat on the sofa without any cares on Gaia.

Kuja came running through the door screaming his head off, "Zidane's broke me, the bastard has broken me". He leapt onto the floor and begun rolling around in pain. "What do you mean you are broken?" asked Vivi, who wandered over and examined Kuja curiously. "L-look at this" he replied before touching his own chest and shrieking in pain- he continued to touch other body parts and kept screaming as he did so. "He's alright" said Zidane as he walked into the living room "I barely touched him- he thought we hadn't noticed that he wore thongs hehehe". Lani's eyes widened in shock before she burst into a fit of giggles "Kuja wears thongs! What a pussy!". "Hey! Shut it you slut, thanks a bunch Zidane you dickhead!" yelled Kuja who was still sprawled across the floor clutching his body.

"He isn't _broken_" called a sarcastic voice from the sofa "he's just too stupid to realise that the finger he's pointing with is broken and causing the pain".

Kuja growled across at Amarant, leapt to his feet and strutted across to the Bounty Hunter. Amarant stood up as Kuja approached and held himself with an air of cockiness. "Alright pal, I didn't wanna do this but you've left me with little choice" said Kuja angrily as he raised his left foot and shook it around violently. "Wanna see a littl-ouch!" Amarant had stretched out his arm and biffed Kuja on the nose. He fell to the floor once again as Amarant sneered, "No Kuja you can keep your little for some other cross dresser who wants to see it!". Eiko treated Kuja's wound -much to his resistance- with a curaga spell before all the other housemates arrived in time for the announcement.

"_Big Brother house, this is Apollo Beech, the host you met before entering the house. I'm speaking to you live from the outside whilst the public has been watching your every move. I'm sure you all know exactly why I'm speaking to you tonight, because one of you will be evicted, tonight. Quina or Amarant, one of you has been voted out tonight... I can reveal that the first evictee of Big Brother is...QUINA QUEN!..._

_Well that is the first eviction finished. I apologise if it was a tad rushed but I'm gonna try for an update more frequently now. What did you think of it? Should Quina have gone or should it have been Amarant. Do you think this chapter was funny? Because that is the main thing, I want you to enjoy it!. _

_Robshi: I suppose you have a point about Fratley's amnesia and I guess Freya is tougher than that. I guess that's why I don't write Burmecian fics._

_Up Next: Quina's Interview: Apollo Interviews Quina on her experiences in the house..._


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